Super Trooper

Get yourself a nice cowl. Then you'll feel really evil. Wheeee!

(Ackmena waves as Nikto leaves)

It's goodnight friend, but not goodbye. Now where was I. I'd just got back from my fortnightly stint judging Palpatine throne room dioramas when what do I find but four - not three, not five, but four - Stormtroopers in a state of undress in my bed chamber. During a spate of ransacking they'd found themselves rather horny and rounded up some of my customers for a rather intimate strip search, which everyone present enjoyed. Especially Tork. At least they kept their helmets on, and what fine helmets they were, let me tell you. They'd roughed up a few of my regulars, but Ket Maliss likes it rough anyway so it was all hunky dory.

(Ackmena lifts her rag to salute Pons Limbic as he exits)

Come back soon, I'll be waiting! I blame Lil Palpatini. Since he inherited his Uncle Sidious' computerised throne, it's been all 'hands on'. I'd like to kick him right in his dictats. Who would have thought an agent of satan would have such bad acne?

I say these young people try to hard to prove a point. Anyone causes me stress, I just say 'I'll kill you!' It's best to be forthright, then everybody knows where they stand!

Ah, the only good thing about the Empire is all those sexilicious young Stormtroopers who come to town. They're wild alright. And who do you think has to comfort these poor, lonely, virile boys when they're far from home. That's right, me. It's a duty I feel. Because while they're shooting up me, they aren't shooting up the locals.

'Eeek eek eeeeeek!'

Oh, spare me the details, Rungs!

 

 

It seems the Troopers are leaving. I hope they're satisfied. I like people to leave the Cantina satisfied.

There's Davin Felth now. And woah, that boy is filth! Davin always makes my gusset soggy. He was hot for Aunt Beru and wanted to sample her blue MILF milk, but had to settle for an elderly Jawa he beat senseless with his fetching shoulder pad. Utini my ass!

When's the patrol due back? I ask him. Bubum. Dewback? Patrol? Geddit? I don't know why I bother. I'm wasted in this cantina, wasted!

Oh God, I'm high.

Davin Felth ignores me and tramps out into the cold desert night. Moody. He's obviously been listening to too much Police - Synchronicity over his Stormtrooper earphones.

 

Then there's Ashy McFisty. I've had him. More like McFitty! I don't want to know why he got his surname, though, so I'll stop you right there.

I've pulled Ennis Shmism as well. He was Jewish. I could tell. Ooh that thought gives me pelvic giggles.

'That Ackmena,' 'they say, 'she's the Ulti-milf!' And they'd be right.
 

 

 

Anyway the last time the boys in white visited the bar, Dan the Stormtrooper got stabbed in the stiffy. His comrade Aerial Fellation got spat on. It was a melee all right, and every man for his MILF.

What's that I hear you say Zutmore? Of course I entertain requests!

'Qwerk! Qwerk!'

Not those kind of requests.